Does a weed become a beautiful vibrant flower? Unless there is a soul change with the narcissist their soul will still be occupied by darkness and evil. What comes out of their mouth comes from their heart. Matthew 15:11 It’s not what goes into your mouth that defiles you; you are defiled by the words that come out of your mouth.”
So when one perceives the narcissist to be a beautiful vibrant flower when they are but weeds, it is deceiving oneself. Relationships should be about building up not tearing down. If you are building a house and someone comes to start tearing it down what would you do? Would you work along side the person while they are tearing your house down? You shout stop! stop! But they carry on like they don't care what you have to say. What do you think their intent is? It's to destroy your property.
What is your property? Your mind, emotions, will and body. Do you hand over your soul to a destroyer ripping apart everything you are? No wonder a person is fragmented after a narc leaves or you go no contact. You've been torn apart just as a narcissist would come and demolish a house you are building. We can build our house on solid rock or sinking sand. If the wind blows it determines which foundation we have laid. You can't lay a foundation upon the narcissist's sand, your house will not stand. Building side by side with the narcissist is like giving a sledge hammer to the narcissist so they can begin demolishing your property.